Mad Thought~

All I can think is to end my life. No matter how hard I tried to keep holding my very life dearly, I always find another reason to end it. Maybe I am depressed. Or maybe I only am tired. And I can't help myself to find a way out. And there's no one I could share to. Of course Allah SWT always there for me. But somehow I need someone to comfort me and tells everything will be just alright. I always know life will always be so shitty, but never knew that my life would be like this. Some people would see me and consider me as most girl, as a normal one. Even I know everybody had their hidden scars, still, am not normal to begin with. I've been bullied over my elementary school. I barely had friends. They hate me for such trivial things. They hate me for my body shape, for my finished assignments, for my mom whom a teacher back in my school, for my interest in english, for my interest in typical-boy games, they hate me for almost everything. Lucky enough there's two of ...

Hari ini, aku memulai hidup baru. Maksudku, aku pindah kostan lagi. Elaah pindah kostan aja ribut sampe dibikin entri di blog. Awkwkwkwk ya suka-suka w aja :p Kostan ku kali ini lumayan luas, rasanya tinggal bertujuh juga muat. Oops, becanda hahaha ga seluas itu ko. Ya tapi cukuplah kalau untuk main sepakbola (oke ini lebih ngaco). Selama sebulan aku bakalan ada di kostan ini untuk mengerjakan Tugas Akhir ku yang belum juga selesai. Semoga bisa selesai tepat waktu Ya Allah... Aamiin ya Rabb. Jadi, detik ini aku akan berusaha fokus pada tugasku dan melupakan semua hal yang setidaknya menggelayuti pikiranku beberapa waktu yang lalu. Semoga aku bisa bangkit dan melupakan semua perasaan yang tak semestinya aku pikirkan selama ini.  Dan untuk kamu yang sudah "menagih" entri baru, semoga kamu bisa tahu bahwa aku selalu memperhatikanmu. tehe.

Hello, sudah lama ya kita tidak berbicara. Bagaimana kabarmu? Kuharap baik-baik saja. Semoga. Malam ini ingin sedikit berbicara, mengenai kita. Ah bukan, tepatnya aku dan kamu. Aku yang berada disini bersama segala duniaku, dan kamu yang sedang disana memperjuangkan hidupmu. Mungkinkah kita akan bertemu? Aku rindu namamu memenuhi notifikasi gawai ku, rindu menunda-nunda membalas pesanmu agar kamu kangen padaku, rindu menggodamu, rindu mendengar tawamu. All I could do was stalk your instagram account. Setidaknya aku tahu kamu sehat, hehehe. Beberapa waktu yang lalu, aku menghubungimu. Tapi hanya berakhir dengan ceklis dua berwarna di menu chat WhatsApp ku. Lalu tiada apapun. Hingga akhirnya aku chat lagi, nyinyir chat ku hanya kamu read. Dan kamu langsung menjelaskan signal yang tidak bagus di kampungmu. Sialnya aku sudah kesal, akhirmya tidak aku respon lagi chat mu. Maaf ya. Mari kita bercerita, tentang semua hariku tanpamu dan semua petualanganmu tanpaku. Mari kita bercengkrama s...

I'm out on my own again Face down in the porcelain Feeling so high but looking so low Party favors on the floor Group of girls banging on the door So many new fair-weather friends ooo Have you ever been so lost Known the way and still so lost Caught in the eye of a hurricane Slowly waving goodbye like a pageant parade So sick of this town pulling me down My mother says I should come back home but Can't find the way cause the way is gone So if I pray am I just sending words into outer space Have you ever been so lost Known the way and still so lost Another night waiting for someone to take me home Have you ever been so lost Is there a light Is there a light At the end of the road I'm pushing everyone away 'Cause I can't feel this anymore Can't feel this anymore Have you ever been so lost Known the way and still so lost Another night waiting for someone to take me home Have you ever been so lost Have you ever been so LOST. ( Katy Perr...