All I can think is to end my life. No matter how hard I tried to keep holding my very life dearly, I always find another reason to end it. Maybe I am depressed. Or maybe I only am tired. And I can't help myself to find a way out. And there's no one I could share to. Of course Allah SWT always there for me. But somehow I need someone to comfort me and tells everything will be just alright.
I always know life will always be so shitty, but never knew that my life would be like this. Some people would see me and consider me as most girl, as a normal one. Even I know everybody had their hidden scars, still, am not normal to begin with.
I've been bullied over my elementary school. I barely had friends. They hate me for such trivial things. They hate me for my body shape, for my finished assignments, for my mom whom a teacher back in my school, for my interest in english, for my interest in typical-boy games, they hate me for almost everything. Lucky enough there's two of my classmates, boy, who willing to always chat and play and study with me. I had to live my life like that almost for 6 years. But, I already passed it and prove am stronger than they thought.
Move to Junior high, am bullied by someone whom I consider as a friends (call her N). Just because one day, there were english test. And while I was thinking I accidentally look into her answer sheet, and she thought I was cheating on her, and she spread the rumors to my other classmates ( call her I). I am really upset since I am not cheating, even I trying to persuade me to change spot with her. And when I decline, she tell N that the rumor is true. Am I that pathetic?
Senior high was something I really missed. A lot of thing has changed there. Am not bullied anymore. I had some friends I could rely on. But still, no one really understand me. They just take me for granted.
Did you know? Every year on my birthday, there's no one give me a surprise party. This happens when I enter college. No one seems to care about my birthday either. Hehehe. YES. I AM THAT PATHETIC. Even I had to make my own birthday cakes for my birhtday. REALLY?!!! Up to this day, I had no proper birthday cake. I had only leftovers, hehehe. This is a proof that no one really cares for me right?
Until this hour, I still had no one who really cares. my mind is keep getting fun of me. What if I fail? What if I couldn't make it? Right now, I am finishing my final task. And I don't know if I could make it on time. What if my family doesn't accept it? What will happen with my life? What if I don't succeed? There is a lot of "What if" fucking things on my mind. Help me, I'm not okay. And I didn't had the guts to tell it to my family. Since I will be just a burden for them. What if?
And to this very day, I declare myself to end it. I had enough of all of that things. I want to end it. I will put an end to my miserable life. And say goodbyes to those painful life. I wanna live my life to the fullest.
Goodbye. This is my last Suicidal Notes. Alas.
I always know life will always be so shitty, but never knew that my life would be like this. Some people would see me and consider me as most girl, as a normal one. Even I know everybody had their hidden scars, still, am not normal to begin with.
I've been bullied over my elementary school. I barely had friends. They hate me for such trivial things. They hate me for my body shape, for my finished assignments, for my mom whom a teacher back in my school, for my interest in english, for my interest in typical-boy games, they hate me for almost everything. Lucky enough there's two of my classmates, boy, who willing to always chat and play and study with me. I had to live my life like that almost for 6 years. But, I already passed it and prove am stronger than they thought.
Move to Junior high, am bullied by someone whom I consider as a friends (call her N). Just because one day, there were english test. And while I was thinking I accidentally look into her answer sheet, and she thought I was cheating on her, and she spread the rumors to my other classmates ( call her I). I am really upset since I am not cheating, even I trying to persuade me to change spot with her. And when I decline, she tell N that the rumor is true. Am I that pathetic?
Senior high was something I really missed. A lot of thing has changed there. Am not bullied anymore. I had some friends I could rely on. But still, no one really understand me. They just take me for granted.
Did you know? Every year on my birthday, there's no one give me a surprise party. This happens when I enter college. No one seems to care about my birthday either. Hehehe. YES. I AM THAT PATHETIC. Even I had to make my own birthday cakes for my birhtday. REALLY?!!! Up to this day, I had no proper birthday cake. I had only leftovers, hehehe. This is a proof that no one really cares for me right?
Until this hour, I still had no one who really cares. my mind is keep getting fun of me. What if I fail? What if I couldn't make it? Right now, I am finishing my final task. And I don't know if I could make it on time. What if my family doesn't accept it? What will happen with my life? What if I don't succeed? There is a lot of "What if" fucking things on my mind. Help me, I'm not okay. And I didn't had the guts to tell it to my family. Since I will be just a burden for them. What if?
And to this very day, I declare myself to end it. I had enough of all of that things. I want to end it. I will put an end to my miserable life. And say goodbyes to those painful life. I wanna live my life to the fullest.
Goodbye. This is my last Suicidal Notes. Alas.
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